Would you?

There are many ways to die. You can kill yourself, you can die from a disease. But there is only one way to be dead while you are alive. You know how? I will tell you.
I didn’t mean to fall in love with him. He was not your typical guy who says all the right words and sweeps you off your feet. He was not the guy who would give you what you deserve. Or the type of guy your mother liked. He was something else.
I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, but the thing was neither did he. We had a love hate relationship. We played games, a lot of them. And we never made compromises. You see, we were doomed from the start. But he changed me. I loved him more than anything. I’ve played games too, maybe too many, maybe too often.
How do you recover? How do you move on after such a troubled and life changing experience? How do you move on when you still love someone?
We were never going to work out. You usually see those signs from the beginning. From the first fight, first wrong words, first wrong actions. Why did we keep on hurting each other? You could say that when you love someone you hurt them. But, if all the love becomes only a way to hurt yourself, would you still want it? Would you still choose that person? Would you walk away?
I walked away. But I looked back every day since. If I could go back to the beginning, I would do it right this time. But since time is always moving forward, I should accept it. Maybe it will be easier, don’t they say that time heals all wounds? Or maybe you learn to live with the pain.


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